God has been teaching me a lot lately. Some of it through my failures, and some of it through his blessings. Through it all I find that I am a broken person, in need of healing and needed to bring healing to this broken world. The more that I learn about life, and how I should live it to please God, the more I learn that I really know nothing at all. In fact I can’t even skim the surface of the depths of God’s infinite wisdom. How I long for all things to be made new, and an end put to all this worldly suffering. Jesus I need you.
About six months to a year ago I asked God to brake my heart for what breaks his. Let me just say that if you are going to ask God for something you had better really make sure you want it because he will answer your prayer one way or another. While I wish I had known what I was getting into I wouldn’t trade what I have experienced for anything. I want to share in depth a few of the things God has broken my heart for, and also give a list that is by no means finished. I just hope to reveal a little of God’s heart to you that he has lovingly revealed to me.
One of the huge things God has broken my heart for is abortion. Not necessarily in the exact way you would think though. Of course my heart is broken for all of the babies who are murdered without a chance to live life, defenseless against anything, needing their parents to protect them. My heart is shattered to pieces for them. But what God really broke my heart for is all the mothers who abort there children. And all the fathers who allow it to happen or even force it to happen. We have no idea of the pain and guilt they go through, often hidden for years. The very people we despise and paint as horrible sinners are the people who God’s heart is broken most for. They are the once we need to love and show them that there is hope and healing and other options. I went and prayed at 40 Days for Life and that is exactly what went on there. Compassion and love for people, and not only for them but for the workers as well. So often we paint them as the enemy when in reality they are more lost people who need God’s love just as we did. We are no better than anyone just because we call ourselves christian. We are called to love and that is what we must do. Bring love and healing to these people.
Another huge thing God has broken my heart for is human trafficking. Did you know that today there are more slaves than ever before in all of human history? Last year alone there were 1.2 million documented cases of just child trafficking. Most of the children are forced to become soldiers or sex slaves. No child should ever have to endure any of that and it just shatters my heart to pieces thinking about it. Being forced to kill, to take life and do other horrible things. And the sex slaves are forced into the most intimate and loving act God has designed, which is now corrupted and twisted. An act that is pure evil and destroys their souls. If I could go in and rescue every one of these children and restore them I would. It’s been so hard for me having my heart broken for so many things yet knowing I can’t do anything in most cases. Or can’t do anything yet. God again decided to throw in a little curve ball though. I was tempted to hate the people that did these horrible acts but again God broke my heart for them as well. God sees all that they could be but instead they are living in a broken empty shell, corrupted by the great deceiver and he wants to win them back. That my friends is crazy love and it doesn’t make sense. To love the very ones who hurt his children, it just blows my mind. The more my heart is broken for things the more I see that God’s heart is broken for all of humanity. We are such a fallen race and have strayed so far from what we were created to be. He desires for us to return to him and love him with all our heart. And he will go to great lengths to make it happen.
That’s when the craziest thing happened. Over the last two years of my life I have been places I never should have been, done things I didn’t think I would ever do. I have seen how easily it is to be dragged into a life of sin. I can see how easy it would be to rape or kill someone. I am no better of a person than anyone. Tied down in my addictions and sin, that is were God found me. And that’s when God broke my heart for myself. Ridiculous. Crazy. God sees me in my brokenness and wants to rescue me, to make me whole again. No matter how much I turn away and hurt him he still loves me and is heartbroken. He wants me back. And I am broken. I see that I can do nothing now without his strength. But I still want control. I don’t want to let go. And my heart is broken for the sad state of my soul. God is slowly and painfully teaching me how to let go. I am not a person who struggles with material things, in fact one of my spiritual gifts is poverty. But I am really stingy with my money because I want my loans paid off so I can be free to serve God in any way possible because I don’t want to not be in control. So God was telling me that I needed to do something crazy for him that would throw all caution to the wind. Something that could only be done by the hand of God. Something destined to fail by human standards. Something other people will look at and say that I am crazy and stupid. So this is what God told me to do. Music has played such a huge part in my life. It reaches down into my soul and brings me to God. I was listening to Air1 doing there spring pledge drive and I had already felt like God was calling me to give more of my money to him. I like giving to ministries that I can tangibly see the results of (so I can be in control… blessings), and I would almost never consider giving to support a radio program. Then the DJ started talking about faith gifts and I knew that God was telling me to do it. A faith gift is one where you don’t have the money, but you promise it anyway trusting that God will provide. I heard people call in with stories of how this ministry had changed their life and I felt the unmistakable hand of God pushing me to surrender to him and trust him. So that’s what I did. I gave a $1000 faith gift knowing that I can never get all of that money on my own accord. After all I have another payment to make for the rest of paramedic school coming up in a month or two. But God is faithful and he will provide. I am so excited to share with you the day that he allows me to come through with that gift. I have no idea how many lives it will effect or even if it will effect any. However, I do know that it is bringing my closer to my father and that is all that really matters. It is a love offering to him. This is a huge step for me and trusting him and giving up control is something I struggle with daily but I will win the battle… with his strength alone.
Ok so here is some of the rest of the list God has broken my heart for:
-Handicapped people especially mentally handicapped
-Orphans/foster children
-Terminally ill
-People trapped in addictions
-Abuse victims
-Anyone in the sex industry
-Homeless
-America ( I have a huge heart for the world but not so much for my country sometimes)
-Children who have to deal with tragedy
-The Church
-Anyone who is broken or hurting
-People with mental illness
-Rape victims
-Divorce
-Humanity wasting and ruining the world.
-Mental Illness
-Race relations
-… many more that God is still showing me.
13 The Lord looks down from heaven.
He sees all of Adam's descendants.
14 From the place where he sits enthroned,
he looks down upon all who live on earth.
15 The one who formed their hearts
understands everything they do.
16 No king achieves a victory with a large army.
No warrior rescues himself by his own great strength.
17 Horses are not a guarantee for victory.
Their great strength cannot help someone escape.
18 The Lord's eyes are on those who fear him,
on those who wait with hope for his mercy
19 to rescue their souls from death
and keep them alive during a famine.
Psalms 33:13-19 (GW)
-In his grip… Benjamin
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